Patriots Stomp Out the Fire of the Bills Mafia as More Dildos Fly Onto the Field

Posted by: Gronkowski

Another Patriots road trip to Buffalo, another dildo thrown on the field …

The annual meeting of the Pats-Bills has almost become synonymous with two things: Brady’s boys embarrassing Buffalo in their own stadium and sex toys being catapulted from the stands by the Bills Mafia.

It doesn’t helped that the New Era showdown normally happens around Halloween … and we’re not quite sure how the offending dildos even get through security. As ESPN’s resident Pats fan Katie Nolan pointed out, “the only bags you're allowed to bring into an NFL stadium are clear ones, so that dildo is either on full display or ... elsewhere.”


The sex toy count rose to three this year, with one fan (from Florida, of course) actually getting arrested for illegal tossing.

Anyway, enough of that – what about the actual game? It started off being a close, chilly affair with the Pats up 9-3 at the end of the first quarter with all points coming from field goals. But then the wheels came off the Bills defense and a touchdown by James White sparked the Patriots to start scoring faster than a Buffalonian can throw a dildo (sorry, we couldn’t help it!), racking up a final score of 25-6.

While Brady’s 29th win over the Bills wasn’t exactly pretty and it’s not going down in the NFL history books, it was definitely decisive and for the first time this season, they had a turnover-free game. The Pats are now 6-2 sitting atop the AFC East and unbeaten in the division, while the Bills sunk to the bottom with 2-6.

White ended the night with a team-high 10 catches on 13 targets, gaining 79 yards; Gronk was back on the field after sitting out last week’s game in Chicago; Edelman looked like, well, Edelman; and Josh Gordon had 42 yards with four catches after rumors that he wouldn’t play.

With Sony Michel injured during the Bears game, Cordarelle Patterson stepped up to the plate with an impressive  22-yarder to accelerate New England’s fourth-quarter scoring drive.

But it was Devin McCourty’s 84-yard pick-six that really added the wow factor to ESPN’s “Monday Night Football” broadcast. Logging in at 22.05 m.p.h., he’s now the fastest clocked ball-carrier in the NFL this season, according to NFL Next Gen Stats. 

McCourty’s pick-six came in the fourth quarter when there was 6:09 minutes left on the clock. And no, we’re not making that up. 

“You see those high knees?” Kyle Van Noy marveled after the game, according to NESN. “He had perfect form. I mean, what a ballplayer he is. I think a lot of people don’t understand what he does for a team, his leadership on and off the field. And just as a player, his being able to do so much and take on so much volume that’s thrown at him is pretty insane. To be able to have a player like that and a leader like that, I’m humbled to play with him. I hope he gets that (Patriots Hall of Fame) red coat. I call him Red Coat all the time. He deserves it.”

Dry-as-ever Bill Belichick simply said: “Looked fast to me … Devin can run.”

As for the Bills' overall depressing performance for their home fans, Sal Maiorana of the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle said it best: “With LeSean McCoy suddenly looking like a fading 30-year-old running back, and Derek Anderson looking like he should have never answered the phone, the Bills simply had no chance to win.”

Next up, the Pats host a far more formidable opponent on Sunday night as Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers head to Foxboro. 

The Packers are coming off a devastatingly-close loss to the still-unbeaten L.A. Rams, and on Tuesday they attempted to stick a Band-Aid on their problems by tradeing safety Ha Ha Clinton-Dix to the Redskins and running back Ty Montgomery to the Ravens. 










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